Q is for Query
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Before we get to the critique, let's talk about cover and query letters. A cover letter typically accompanies work when the publisher is requesting to see the entire manuscript. If you are submitting a couple of poems then the publisher is going to want to see them in their entirety. If you are thinking of pitching a chapbook many publishers want to see the entire collection of poems. A query letter, on the other hand, is when the publisher or an agent wants you pitch the idea to them before you send him/her the manuscript. This allows the agent or publisher to decide wether or not they want to see your manuscript. Make sure to check the publishers and/or agents guidelines to see if they want the entire piece or just a query. Now over to Ishta.
First of all, I want to thank Rena for
being such a gracious and brave blog hostess. Not only has she welcomed me
here, but she has sacrificed her cover letter on the altar of the red pen of
doom offered to have me critique her own cover letter so everyone can learn
from it. How awesome is she for doing that?
I have to say that this cover letter is a
great example of “less is more” in action – Rena gets straight to the point,
only includes the relevant information, and keeps it simple and professional
throughout. It can be tempting to over-explain or over-sell, but Rena stays
away from all of that malarkey, and the letter is better for it.
But you haven’t even seen the letter yet!
So let’s get to it. Here’s Rena’s cover letter, with my feedback in bold red
like everything I’ve said so far in this post:
Rena J. Traxel
Address Redacted
City Redacted
Phone Number
renajtraxel@gmail.com I could be wrong,
but I’d align your name and details with the
right hand margin. A quick look at the Chicago Manual of Style would clarify
the proper formatting.
April 19, 2012 I’d definitely put
the date after the recipient’s address.
Submissions
Editor, REDACTED magazine
Address
Redacted
Dear Editor: This is okay if
they’ve specifically avoided listing a name, but if you can find a name
anywhere (like in the sidebar where magazines usually list editors and
contributors), it’s better to use it.
Enclosed are three poems for
your consideration for REDACTED MAGAZINE: “Mud Puddle Fun,” “Digestion,” and
“Snack Time.” Each poem has been written with the child’s age in mind (three to
six year olds). Great
opener! Straight to the point. I believe Magazine titles might be italicized,
but check a style manual for clarification.
“Muddle Puddle Fun,” Is it “Muddle
Puddle Fun” or “Mud Puddle Fun”? You say the latter in the first paragraph. is
a four-line poem about playing in the mud. “Digestion,” is ten lines and is a humorous
poem about the process of digestion. “Snack Time,” is a five-line poem about a child
politely asking for a snack. To read more of my poetry,
please go to my blog at www.renajtraxelblog.com.
I’d cut this line - if you were
submitting to an agent it would be relevant, since an agent is interested in
your entire body of work. But since you’re sending these specific poems to an
editor for publication in a specific magazine, I don’t see why she would want
to see your other work. Seeing this line makes me think, “Why isn’t she submitting
those other poems from her blog?”
Also: cut the commas from that paragraph.
Additionally, while your descriptions are probably accurate, they’re a little
bit on the dry side. This could be fine, since the poems are short and unless
the editor hates snacks or thinks mud gives people cooties, she’s likely to
read them. But replacing words like “playing” and “asking” with more
interesting words (maybe even words from your poems) like “frolicking” and
“begging” (just examples – whatever you actually say in your poem would be much
better) might give it a little more pep. That’s a nitpicky thing, though. I
don’t think it will make or break your query.
Thank you for your time. I can be contacted by e-mailing renajtraxel@gmail.com or by
calling REDACTED. I look forward to hearing from you. I have enclosed an
SASE for your reply. I’d cut the line in red. First of all, because it is
confusing – you say to contact you via email or phone, then you say you’ve
enclosed an SASE for their reply. Also, it’s unnecessary; you put those details
at the top of your letter, so there is no need to state that they can contact
you through those means. This paragraph is good without it.
Sincerely,
Rena J. Traxel
Encl.: 3 Poems (Mud Puddle
Fun, Digestion, Snack Time).
SASE Very, very smart to state after your signature what you’ve
put in the envelope. Almost nobody does this, but everybody should.
That’s it for my feedback! You did a great job with this
query, Rena – it was very clean to begin with, and really only needs a bit of
tweaking here and there to make it shine. If anyone else has any thoughts,
please, feel free to share them. Feel free to disagree, even! Queries are
tricky things, and like everything else in this business, what works for one
person doesn’t necessarily work for the next.
Best of luck with your submission, Rena, and thanks again for
hosting me on your blog!
Challenge
--Pick some of the poems you have written and think about submitting them for publication or come up with a title for your poetry collection. If you decide to share the title keep in mind that titles aren't copyright protect so you might want to keep the title to yourself.
--As for today's poem. I want you to write a poem using your preferred style.
Resources
If you liked this post please let others know. I would like to remind everyone that if you are going to borrow a photo or illustration etc. from my blog that you must give credit to the artist. Tomorrow, with the help of Kari-Lynn Winters, I'll be talking about rhyme. I hope you come for that.
Ishta Mercurio-Wentworth studied dance and theatre in
college, even though her job was in the Writing Centre helping other students
get their essays to make sense. Now a stay-at-home mom, she enjoys writing
stories and poetry for kids and teens much more than she ever enjoyed writing
essays, but she still gets a kick out of helping other people make their own
writing better. If your query letter needs a fresh set of eyes, you can email
it to ishtamerc@gmail.com to be
featured on Ishta’s Query Workshop every Wednesday on her blog at www.ishtamercurio.blogspot.com.
Hi, Rena! Thanks again for hosting me on your blog. And good luck with your submission! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your help!
DeleteHi, Rena and Ishta, that was great!
ReplyDeleteThanks Catherine. I think I originally heard about Ishta's picture book query when you offered your Big Al query for critique.
DeleteI'm glad I read your post. I learned some new things and recalled somethings, too. :)
ReplyDeleteGood to hear especially since it's not easy to have my work openly critiqued.
DeleteIshta did a wonderful job on your query. I'm definitely going to be using every piece of advice she offered you here. Thanks for sharing ladies.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite type of poem is Dactyl (at the moment that is)
The Fly Eating Contest
Stanley was eating his flies
He ate in a hurry to be first
His belly had swelled like a melon
At the end of the race he had burst.
Thanks. I'm picturing toads. Fun! I like writing in quatern (four lines per stanza).
DeleteFun poem, Jennifer!!!!
DeleteThanks ladies :)
DeleteI guess at some point in my life, I will have to start thinking about queries! :) This will be helpful info.
ReplyDeleteIt is crazy to imagine we have written 16 poems so quickly. This Poetry Month Challenge has really been a kick in my creative pants! :)
I know! I had to recount just to make sure. I like your poems so you should think about getting them published or putting together a book.
DeleteVery helpful guidance on the query letter.
ReplyDeleteI have one quibble -- I was always taught (and I've always seen it done thus) that the date goes after the sender's address, not after the recipient's, as Ishta has suggested.
Thanks. I've been told the same thing so I'm going to double check. I've also been told by one of my professors that I don't need the publishers' address on the letter.
DeleteGreat interview and really good query, Rena and Ishta pushed it to the next level! I'm definitely going to send a query or two to Ishta! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI posted my poem for today - it's kind of a weird one! I also posted my line for the progressive poem. It's been a busy day! Here's a link: http://loridegman.blogspot.com/
Thanks Lori! Let us know when your query is up!
DeleteI thoroughly enjoyed the interview. Queries are a real fear of mine and this is so helpful! Thanks, Ishta and Rena!
ReplyDeleteThanks Penny! Penny your poems are wonderful so I hope that you send them out for publication!
DeleteThanks Rena! This was helpful. You are kind a brave to put your work out there like this for our benefit. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Hannah. If today's post helps another writer then it was worth it.
DeleteWow, thank you Rena and Ishta.
ReplyDeleteThis was insightful. I find queries so confusing!
Rena, thank you for having Ishta giving her insight into query letters. How brave and gracious you are to have it critiqued for us.
ReplyDelete